Funny Christmas Quotes

christmas books at Amazon.co.uk

christmas books at Amazon.com

Funny Christmas Quotes

Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

Roses are reddish
Violets are bluish
If it weren't for Christmas
We'd all be Jewish.
~Benny Hill

Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. 
~Author Unknown

Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts.
anonymous

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Anonymous

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
Phyllis Diller

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Jay Leno

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Anonymous

Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
Anonymous

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
Tom Sims

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Bernard Manning

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
Anonymous

Come to me. I want to plow you like a Calgary driveway at Christmas.
John Cleese, "Mony Python"

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
Erma Bombeck