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Favourite Fawlty Towers Quotes

This is from one of my favorite Fawlty Towers episodes with the nearly deaf Mrs Richards, who is one of the fussiest customers imaginable. Needless to say she has a field day at Fawlty Towers

  • Mrs. Richards: I've booked a room with a bath and a sea view for three nights. I specifically asked for a sea view in my written confirmation, so please make sure I have it.
  • Manuel: Qué?
  • Mrs. Richards: What?
  • Manuel: Qué?
  • Mrs. Richards: K?
  • Manuel: Sí.
  • Mrs. Richards: KC? KC? What are you trying to say?
  • Manuel: No, no no no. Qué, "what."
  • Mrs. Richards: K. Watt?
  • Manuel: Sí: qué, "what."
  • Mrs. Richards: C.K. Watt?
  • Manuel: Yes.
  • Mrs. Richards: Who is this C.K. Watt?
  • Manuel: Qué?
  • Mrs. Richards: Is he the manager?
  • Manuel: Oh, Manager.
  • Mrs. Richards: He is.
  • Manuel: Ah, Mr. Fawlty.
  • Mrs. Richards: Oh, what are you talking about, you silly little man?
    [to Polly]
  • Mrs. Richards: Girl, I start to ask this man about my room, and he tells me the manager is a Mr. Watt, aged forty.
  • Manuel: No, no no. "Fawwl-ty."
  • Mrs. Richards: Faulty? What's wrong with him?



  • Basil Fawlty: May I help you, madam?
  • Mrs. Richards: Are you the manager?
  • Basil Fawlty: I am the *owner*.
  • Mrs. Richards: What?
  • Basil Fawlty: I am the owner.
  • Mrs. Richards: I want to speak to the manager.
  • Basil Fawlty: [impatiently] I am the manager, too.
  • Mrs. Richards: What?
  • Basil Fawlty: I am the manager *as well*.
  • Manuel: [confirming Basil's identity] Manager, him manager.
  • Mrs. Richards: Oh. You're Watt.
  • Basil Fawlty: [confused] I'm the manager.
  • Mrs. Richards: What?
  • Basil Fawlty: I'm the manager.
  • Mrs. Richards: Yes, I know, you've just told me; what's the matter with you? Now listen to me. I specifically requested a bath for my room. When I pay for a bath, I expect to get a bath.
  • Basil Fawlty: You've *got* a bath.
  • Mrs. Richards: I'm not paying seventeen-pounds-fifty per night plus VAT for a room without a bath.
  • Basil Fawlty: [indicating private bath in adjoining room] There is your bath.
  • Mrs. Richards: You call that a bath? It's not big enough to drown a mouse. It's disgraceful.
  • Basil Fawlty: [sotto voice] I wish you were a mouse; I'd show you.
  • Mrs. Richards: [standing next to the window] And another thing: I asked for aroom with a view.
  • Basil Fawlty: [aside to Manuel] Deaf, mad, *and* blind.
    [to Mrs. Richards as he makes a show of inspecting the view]
  • Basil Fawlty: This is the view as far as I can remember... Yes... Yes, this is it.
  • Mrs. Richards: When I pay for a view, I expect to see something more interesting than that.
  • Basil Fawlty: That is Torquay, madam.
  • Mrs. Richards: Well, that's not good enough.
  • Basil Fawlty: Well, might I ask what you expected to see out of a Torquay hotel bedroom window? Sydney Opera House, perhaps? The hanging gardens of Babylon? Herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...
  • Mrs. Richards: Don't be ridiculous. I expect to be able to see the sea.
  • Basil Fawlty: You *can* see the sea. It's over there between the land and the sky.
  • Mrs. Richards: I'd need a telescope to see that.
  • Basil Fawlty: Well, might I suggest you move to a hotel closer to the sea.
    [sotto voice]
  • Basil Fawlty: Or preferably in it.
  • Mrs. Richards: Now listen to me. I'm not satisfied, but I've decided to stay here. However, I shall expect a reduction.
  • Basil Fawlty: Why? Because Krakatoa's not erupting at the moment, or...
  • Mrs. Richards: No. Because the room is cold, the bath is too small, the view is invisible, and the radio doesn't work.
  • Basil Fawlty: No, the radio works.
    [sotto voice]
  • Basil Fawlty: You don't.
  • Mrs. Richards: What?
  • Basil Fawlty: But I can fix it, you see.
    [sotto voice]
  • Basil Fawlty: You scabby old bat.
  • [Turns up the in-wall radio full blast to prove it works. Manuel jams his hands over his ears]
  • Basil Fawlty: [shutting it off] I think we got something then.
  • Mrs. Richards: What?
  • Basil Fawlty: [louder] I think we got something then.
  • Mrs. Richards: What are you doing?
  • Manuel: [still with hands tightly over ears] QUÉ?

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