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Funny New Year Resolutions

Selection of funny new year resolutions. Including new year resolutions for animals

Funny New Year Quotes

I will not look at boys - 13 year old girl

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant - Lazy and Smart Fellow

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll TELL him he stinks! - Diffident classmate of Lazy and Smart Fellow

If I see a UFO I won't tell anybody about it - Spoilsport

I resolve to be nice to people without bringing Jesus into the equation - Secular Person

With that cloned cow having given birth and everything, I resolve to pay more attention to where my food comes from this next year

I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth - Honest Wordsmith

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size and screech in her ear after my human has finished watching a horror movie. - Pet Cat

I will not bite the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.- Pet Dog

I’ll help the Green House Effect and stop throwing my rubbish into the school drain

I will remember it isn't worthwhile wrestling with pigs - you get all muddy and don't the pigs just love it! - Experienced Mud Wrestler and Pig Keeper.

I will take neither myself nor any of the above seriously – Me

Top Ten Dave Lettermans New Year's Resolutions

10. Breakfast, lunch and dinner: Cheese-filled weenies 9. Raise financial backing for my one man ice show -- Davecapades 8. Turn in Uzi for shiny new bicycle 7. Tape all the NFL games on CBS 6. Return camera number 3 to NBC 5. Stop laughing every time I say "The Fox Network" 4. Have applause sign installed in my bedroom 3. To always remain loyal to this fine Network -- unless another network comes up with some more money 2. Learn to teeterboard nude 1. Four words: Mrs. Kathie Lee Letterman

new year lists

Top 10 New Year Resolutions for Animals

11. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars. 10. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 8. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around. 7. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 6. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass. 5. Always scoot before licking. 4. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is too much. 3. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year. 2. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. and the Number 1 New Year's Resolutions Made by Pets... 1. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

From: Topfive

Funny New Year Resolutions

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