What annoys Peter Kay...

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the **** is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". ***** right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the **** would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and here are they?
5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid $8 to come to the cinema and stare at the **** floor.
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
8. When people say "life is short". What the ***?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever **** does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, nobhead?

• Peter Kay
• Peter Kay at Amazon.co.uk