Computer Jokes
"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."
-- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)
· Customer: "Hi, I want to change my email address."
· Tech Support: "Of course, sir, may I ask why?"
· Customer: "I think it's too long."
· Tech Support: "Can you tell me what your email address is now?"
· Customer: firstnamelastnamestreetadresszipcodeandphonenumber@[isp].nl
· Customer: "Now what do I do?"
· Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
· Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
· Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
· Customer: "How do you spell that?"
Customer: "I've lost the number for my second line, the one I call you on. Can you tell me what it is?"
A teacher asked one of her pupils, 'What's the nation's capital?'
The reply was, 'Washington DC'
On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, 'Dot com!'
HelpDesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
HelpDesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
HelpDesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on
my desk. Sorry.
11 Commandments of Sending Email
- Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.
- Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.
- Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.
- Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
- Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.
- Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.
- Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
- Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
- Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work.
- When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.
- That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others. (oopps, there are actually 11 commandments!)
Computer Terminology (perhaps digital cameras as well)
486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.
State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.
Obsolete - Any computer you own.
Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.
G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'
Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, 'Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.'
Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.
GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')
Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.
Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.
Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.
Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.
Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.
Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.
System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.
