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Computer Jokes

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question."


-- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

 


 

·  Customer: "Hi, I want to change my email address."

·  Tech Support: "Of course, sir, may I ask why?"

·  Customer: "I think it's too long."

·  Tech Support: "Can you tell me what your email address is now?"

·  Customer: [email protected][isp].nl

 

 


 

·  Customer: "Now what do I do?"

·  Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"

·  Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"

·  Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."

·  Customer: "How do you spell that?"

 

Customer: "I've lost the number for my second line, the one I call you on. Can you tell me what it is?"

 


A teacher asked one of her pupils, 'What's the nation's capital?'

The reply was, 'Washington DC'

On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, 'Dot com!'

 

 


 

 HelpDesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
HelpDesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
HelpDesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on
my desk. Sorry.

 

 

11 Commandments of Sending Email

  1. Thou shalt include a clear and specific subject line.
  2. Thou shalt edit any quoted text down to the minimum thou needest.
  3. Thou shalt read thine own message thrice before thou sendest it.
  4. Thou shalt ponder how thy recipient might react to thy message.
  5. Thou shalt check thy spelling and thy grammar.
  6. Thou shalt not curse, flame, spam or USE ALL CAPS.
  7. Thou shalt not forward any chain letter.
  8. Thou shalt not use e-mail for any illegal or unethical purpose.
  9. Thou shalt not rely on the privacy of e-mail, especially from work.
  10. When in doubt, save thy message overnight and reread it in the light of the dawn.
  11. That which thou findest hateful to receive, sendest thou not unto others. (oopps, there are actually 11 commandments!)

 

Computer Terminology (perhaps digital cameras as well)

 

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a PC.


State-of-the-art - Any computer you can't afford.


Obsolete - Any computer you own.


Microsecond - The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.


G3 - Apple's new Macs that make you say 'Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago.'


Syntax Error - Walking into a computer store and saying, 'Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.'


Hard Drive - The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, esp. after a Syntax Error.


GUI - What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced 'gooey')


Keyboard - The standard way to generate computer errors.


Mouse - An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.


Floppy - The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.


Portable Computer - A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.


Disk Crash - A typical computer response to any critical deadline.


Power User - Anyone who can format a disk from DOS.


System Update - A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

 

Funny Exam Answers 

 

 

 

 

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