Author name: tejvan

IF TOMMY COOPER WERE ALIVE TODAY……

I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, “That’s Aboriginal.”

This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said “Ten pin?” I said, “No, permanent.”

I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”

I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.

I went to the local video shop and I said “Can I borrow Batman Forever?” He said, “No, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow”

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said “Analogue.” I said “No, just a watch.”

I went into a shop and I said, “Can someone sell me a kettle.” The bloke said “Kenwood” I said, “Where is he then?”

My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He’s bisatchel.

I went to the doctor. I said to him “I’m frightened of lapels.” He said, “You’ve got cholera.”

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P something T something R.

…

Jokes in Honour of Tommy CooperRead More »

“Don’t be to be critical Jeeves, but, I think we can dispense with the sir, at the end of every line.”

“Very Good Sir”

A few weeks back we had a gathering in London, where a few friends took part in some humorous skits. Premamrita was marvellous as Tommy Cooper. My contribution was to take part in Monty Python’s silly walks.

“That’s it is it? It’s not particularly silly is it?”

“You see Mr Puddy there’s a very real problem of finance…”